It's been nearly a month since my last post and all I can say is that is has been a really challenging month. Gavin is really testing us with his behavior and desperately wants me to become an alcoholic. He is lucky that I don't drink. Seriously, though. The whole "terrible twos" thing is a myth, like a unicorn. But the terrible threes is real, like a rabid 40 lb. raccoon you are legally obligated to provide food, clothing, and shelter to even though the raccoon is yelling "NO" in response to everything whether it is a question or not and thrashing around like, well, a rabid raccoon. Don't get me wrong. I love my kid and think he's amazing and beautiful and smart and sweet. But sometimes I want to say, "You can open the fridge and know how to use the microwave (kind of). You're on your own now, kid." And get in my car and drive far far away.
It's not a lot of fun to tell people, "Yeah, my kid is acting like a total dick" because it basically feels like you're telling them, "I am so terrible at my job." And I really want to be good at this. Since it is kind of high stakes, raising a human being and all. We've started using Love and Logic which is resulting in incremental improvement. Rosemary suggested it to us and let us borrow an audio book by the guys who started it. Stacy said it makes her feel really empowered. I like it because the goal is to stay calm and be understanding but firm. In other words, don't take any shit and do it with a smile. And don't get me wrong, it's not like any of Gavin's behavior has been unusual for a three-year-old. This is a hard age, the hardest so far for us, certainly. Three-year-olds are all about wanting to do things for themselves and testing you at every turn. The problem is that it's always a pop quiz and we, as parents, have to ace every one. So we're working on it.
Gavin wore two pair of underpants all day yesterday. At the same time. One pair of Scooby Doo and one Thomas the Train. When he came out of his room this morning all doubled up I said, "I don't know how comfortable that's going to be, Dude." But soon after breakfast I totally forgot about the Scooby the Train combo, ushered him into some sweats and took him to school. It wasn't until I got home from work in the evening and saw his sweats in an inside out entanglement with his dual underpants on top of the laundry hamper that I remembered. I asked Stacy if she noticed anything about his underpants and she said that when he got ready for his bath he had red marks on both sides near his hips. Stacy asked him if his underwear had been uncomfortable and he said, "No, it's probably because I was wearing two."
Sometimes Gavin will "fix" my hair when we are face to face, like if I pick him up or if I crouch on the floor at his level. This fixing usually entails him pushing my hair away from my face with the clammy palms of his hands. And he gets this really serious look on his face and his face is so close to mine but he is not looking at my eyes, he's concentrating on the sides of my head where I apparently need help. And I love this look so much. It's love, I think. It's something he does that is just so sweet and attentive and I don't even know. I should note that he doesn't exactly manage to make my hair look in any way improved, but he can be my stylist any day. Yesterday after doing my hair he turned his attention to my eye brows, smoothing them down with his finger tips. "Why are your eyebrows so long?" he asked me. I told him that I didn't know, that's just how eyebrows are. And he said, "You're supposed to cut them." I said, "I am?" And he said, "Yes. They're too long. You need to cut them." Next he'll be giving me makeup tips. Which I probably need.
I mentioned awhile back that I often say to Gavin, "Guess what?" And then answer the question with, "I love you." Gavin did his own version of this for Stacy yesterday. According to Stacy, Gavin said, "Mommy I have a secret to tell you." She asked, "What is it?" And Gavin put his mouth right up next to her ear and whispered, "Stinky butt." And Stacy said she tried not to, but could not help but laugh. Which means he will do it again and again times infinity. Today he did the same thing to me but what he whispered in my ear was, "Poo poo pee pee."
And so the blue humor stage of Gavin's comedy career has begun. Gavin is obsessed with the words "poop, pee, stinky and butt" in any and all combinations right now. I am sure that going to preschool is helping to reinforce the hilarity of potty talk, which means we obviously have to pull him out and home school him. Mostly I ignore this kind of talk because it's a losing battle and the more attention I give it, the more encouragement he has, really. But I have to admit, I know I would have laughed at his "secret" because I totally would have been expecting him to say, "I love you." And I have to admit, I like "I love you" better.
On Monday morning I dropped my necklace down the bathroom sink right before leaving for work. As I was already running late, I put a box over the sink and wrote on it: DO NOT USE SINK. I dropped my necklace down the drain and had no time to deal with it." When I got home from work that evening, the following conversation ensued:
Gavin: "Mama D! We have a plan for to get your necklace out."
Me: "You do, what is it?"
G: "You use a screwdriver to pop it out and take it off and get your necklace."
Me: "Really?"
G: "Yes. So you need to get a screwdriver."
Me to Stacy: "What kind of screwdriver do I need?"
Stacy, shrugging: "I don't know, it's his plan."
I did, in fact, end up using a screw driver as part of the necklace rescue operation and I am happy to say that after disconnecting the pipes under the sink I have my necklace back.
Stacy and Gavin left a little while ago for some event related to helping families in need at Stacy's school. After giving me a hug goodbye Gavin put his palm to my cheek and, looking into my eyes, he said, "I'm sorry you aren't coming with us, Mama D. You're gonna be okay."And that, folks, is why this is all worth it.
