On Tuesday morning Gavin woke up and did not come directly into our room to get into bed with us. This is unusual, but not unheard of. When Stacy got up she reported back to me that he was playing with trains or blocks in his room. "Something clicky," she said. No sooner had the words left her mouth Gavin bolted out of his room and into the bathroom where he promptly peed and pooped. As he is not an expert wiper yet (I am looking forward to that day), he asked for some help and I obliged. I then asked him what he was playing with in his room this morning, wanting to know what the something clicky thing was because in my mind Duplo blocks are clickier than a wooden train set and, well, I wanted to know. Also I was just making chit chat. In response Gavin said, "I don't need to cuddle with grown ups any more." I answered, "You don't, huh?" And, with his thinking face on, he said, "No, because I'm not afraid of the dark." Huh, I thought. And I admit I was a little sad because I really dig the early morning family snuggle up but know he will outgrow it eventually. I just didn't think it would be so soon.
Looking back on this morning I see there were several red flags. Staying in his room by himself, for one. Running to go pee on his own without prompting is another ("I don't need to go pee" is basically his catch phrase). Then hurrying to go get dressed, which never happens. Every morning I try to get this kid to hurry the hell up and put on his clothes for school and it is never something that happens without intervention of some kind on my part. I had put all of these things together and concluded that my little boy was growing up.
It turned out he had just peed his bed. While he was pulling on a pair of clean chonies, I noticed his PJ pants and underwear on the floor of his room looked wet. And, indeed, they were. Dude had peed himself in the middle of the night and was trying to keep it on the down low.
When I asked him why he didn't come into our room to tell us he said, "I didn't want to get pee in your bed." Which I can certainly appreciate. I, too, do not want pee in my bed. But I also want my son to ask for help when he needs it.
My guess is that his reluctance to cop to his night peeing was that the day before he'd peed his pants for the first time in a long time, which ended a pretty good streak of him getting to choose when and whether he peed. Our insistance that he pee at certain times (in the morning, before dinner, before bed for example) was becoming a power struggle and so I decided that it was a silly thing to fight about. And so I told him that he could choose when to pee so long as he listened to his body. But should he have an accident because he's not listening to his body, his moms will once again get to do the choosing. And so here we are.
On our way to the gym on Tuesday Gavin and I were talking and he was telling me how to say some word in Spanish. "I'm your teacher," he said. Then he added, "Mommy is my teacher." I reminded him that I was also a teacher, though not of Spanish. "What have I taught you?" I asked. "You taught me how to aim," he said. "When I pee." If it is appropriate to say that my son has incredibly good aim and if he credits me with that ability, well, I'm a proud Mama.
Speaking of life skills presumably taught by fathers, Gavin is very into "Let's play Mommy, Baby, and Daddy" right now. This morning when we were all snuggling in bed he announced that Stacy would be Mommy, he would be Baby, and I would be Daddy. I declined. We had this same conversation yesterday. When he asked me to be the daddy I said, "How about I be a mommy?" He, a little exasperated, kept explaining to me, "We're just pretending!" And I know that. But, well, it's not a role I particularly want to play. Because, no duh, he doesn't have a dad and he never will. Do I feel guilty about this? Not exactly. And even though I know he's got it really good in life with his two moms, it's clear that he realizes that most kids he knows have a mom and a dad and that some day someone is going to give him shit for it. And so by wanting to play Mommy, Daddy, and Baby (mind you, the characters are not always human. Often it's cats or puffins or robots) he's wanting to try on this more traditional family structure and I'm sure that's a normal and healthy thing for a kid with a non-traditional family structure to do, but it's also a reminder that a dad is just not something I can ever give him.
And then tonight when I got home from work Stacy and I were cuddling with Gavin on our bed. He was between us, one of his moms on either side. He flung out his arms similar to how a crossing guard might to keep kids from crossing the street. He said, "No..." followed by a rather dramatic pause. And with one arm over Stacy and the other arm over me he said, "No dads allowed." Then he popped his thumb in his mouth and snuggled back up and we all stayed like that for a nice, though not nearly long enough, while.
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