Wednesday Aug. 11, 2010: The guy is crying

Gavin is crying. He's been asleep for over two hours and now, for some reason, he is crying. It's a sad, sleepy cry, low in register but high in anxiety provocation. For me, anyway. And for Stacy. She just went in to soothe him, but not before asking me what we should do. Usually we'd let him cry much longer in hopes that he would put himself back to bed. Maybe it's because this cry sounds especially sad and because he hasn't woken up crying at night in a long time, but both of us had the desire to go to him and make all better whatever it is that is ailing him. Which is, of course, the trick of the whole thing. I don't know why he's crying, so it's hard to fix it. If he had a bad dream or something a little soothing is probably all he needs. But it could be teething. Or a full diaper. Or he could be too cold. Or too hot. Or he could've heard something loud outside his window. Or he could have woken himself up by jerking in his sleep, which is something I do. I don't know if he does. But that's the point: I don't know what the problem is. If only he could talk. Or if only the problem had something to do with a dog since "dog" is his favorite word. It's really the only one he says right now. He's said "mama" in the past but "dog" is the end all be all in words right now. The most likely scenario is that he's simply having trouble sleeping. He woke up and he doesn't want to be awake. But instead of tossing and turning, or moving to the couch, or taking a Seconal, or turning on the TV to be lulled by ShamWow ads, he cries. Because it's the only trick he's got in his sleeping arsenal. That and thumbsucking. Not exactly a stacked defense. Sometimes a guy just needs a little help.

Stacy just emerged from Gavin's room and instead of a sad, low cry, we now have a screaming, hysterical baby. Awesome. "I just made it worse," she said. "I was afraid of that," I told her. "Me, too," she said. "Then why did you do it?" I asked. "Because it might have made things better," she said. Such is our thought process. Poor, unhappy dude. I am willing to bet that had I gone in there he'd now be sleeping like a baby. Not because I'm better than Stacy at soothing. It's just that he would not have been devastated to see me go. He's still Mommy all the time. Sure, I get some love, but usually only when Stacy's not around. She's his first choice. I comfort myself by saying that it's all about the boobs. That it's not personal, it's just that if given a choice he wants to stick close by the mom with the open bar. Who wouldn't?

He's been crying for over 15 minutes now, and I want to go in there and soothe him but Stacy says I shouldn't because he's winding down. And while it's true there are intermittent periods of silence, there's an awful sad racket in between.

We've been giving Gavin what we call "balls out time" in the yard after dinner. He gets to run around nekkid in the back yard and play in the sprinkler or with his water table or drink from the hose or pee on things. Anything goes. Watching him pee outside is fascinating. For one thing, he doesn't ever see himself pee since he's always in a diaper. So the first couple of times it has happened outside he's looked down at his penis with this look like, "Woah, what's happening?" It's pretty much the most adorable thing ever. The first time he did it my sister and her dog Charlie were over and both Henri and Charlie inspected Gavin's puddle and proceeded to make their own on top of it. So I guess that's Gavin's first pissing contest. We're very proud.

We took him to Kiddie Klub again today. Our second time there. We met up with our friends Anne and Angus there. Angus is two days older than Gavin. Both are on the big side, tall strong dudes, which means they are suited wrestling partners. It was Angus and Gavin's first play date and I hope we get to do more. It's nice for Gavin to have another one-year-old to play with that I don't have to worry about him crushing Hulk-style. Both boys had a good time, I think, though Gavin is walking more than Angus and kept rudely running off leaving Angus to play with his mom. I don't think that Angus minded much, though. I'm sure he prefers his mom to Gavin anyway. As it should be. Though chances are that Gavin prefers Angus to me. Alas. I'm kidding. Gavin loves me. Although I am rebuffed at times I am not quite that insecure. Yet.

Right now I do not hear a baby crying. Could it be? Could he have gone back to sleep? Can I actually go to sleep now myself? For some reason I can't sleep when Gavin's crying. Go figure. But I am tired. And it is quiet. For now, any way.