Gavin has eaten "dinner in a fancy restaurant," as Sinead O'Connor would sing, two nights in a row. Gavin, Stacy, and I went with my mom to Anita's Kitchen last night. Falafel was a hit with Gavin, as was the carrot smoothie. The rest, not so much. Oh, wait. He liked the pita bread, especially when he had ketchup to dip it in. He's obviously not some kind of toddler gourmet. Tonight we went to Taste of Ethiopia and he really liked the sambosas, but when it got to the main dish his enthusiasm and interest waned far faster than ours did. Actually, that isn't correct. My enthusiasm and interest did not wane, which meant I had to eat a lot faster than I'd planned to. Mental note: bring puffs or some other kind of kiddie crack to all restaurant meals to tide Gavin over until we are finished. Until we want to be finished, that is.
So that bin of maternity clothes is still sitting on the floor of our living room. Gavin tries to climb on top of it. He also likes to take the lid off and wants to take everything out -- which would be tragic because it's all perfectly packed in there and I don't want to have to refold everything and put it back. Then again, I am a master of suitcase packing, so I suppose my skills could come in handy here. But I'd like to not add one more thing to do on my ever lengthening list of things to do these days. Whether Stacy keeps it or gives it to her coworker, I don't really care. I just hope it doesn't stay in our living room forever.
I've been asked why I don't want to have another baby many times. And I never know how to answer that, exactly, because I feel a little defensive about it. You never hear someone say to a parent, "Why do you want to have another baby?" It's just kind of assumed that people will have more than one. In any case, I've been thinking about it and I've come up with a good answer to why I don't want to have another baby: Because I don't want to. I realize this sounds an awful lot like the age-old parental answer, "Because I said so." But I've actually thought a lot about it. I mean, shouldn't having a baby be something one should have a lot of enthusiasm about? I wouldn't adopt another cat or even another dog if I didn't really, really want another cat or dog, so why would I have another child if I don't really, really want another child? There are a lot of things we have to do in life that we don't get a choice about. Parenting, for the most part, isn't one of them. I watch enough Teen Mom to know that having a baby is really best left to people who plan on and want one. I'm not saying I'm going to become like Amber or something and start hitting Stacy and screaming obscenities at her in front of Gavin. Nor am I saying I am basing my decision on Teen Mom. I have friends who say they knew they wanted to have more than one child from the get-go. I have friends who speak of an all-encompassing desire to have another baby. Another babies, even. I do not share this desire. At all. I love Gavin. I love being his mom. But there is zero desire for another child. As Amanda said, I would, certainly, love Gavin's little brother or sister. I wouldn't cast them out and be all, "Nope, sorry. You weren't invited." But there isn't going to be another baby here by accident. It's not something that we are going to create by accident Teen Mom style. It would take a lot of work and planning and money. And if I wanted to do that then there wouldn't be enough work or planning or money that could stop me. That's how Gavin came into this world, after all. So it's not that I'm lazy or that I hate being a mom or that I hate kids (though I don't know about some kids, like the one who purposefully pushed Gavin's head into the playpit alligator at the mall -- picture trying to press a tight-fitting lid onto a Tupperware container, then imagine that Tupperware container is my son's head. You get the idea). It just means that I feel what I feel, and a one-kid household is perfectly fine with me. I don't have a biological clock ticking out of control here. I don't have a need to breed. I have Gavin. And Gavin has his Mama D. And to me that feels quite perfect and very complete.
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