Tuesday, Sept. 7, 2010: Banshee Bear

Oh, the screaming today. The screaming. In fact, it's not over. Gavin is screaming yet again from his crib right now. Winding down for the night. Some people crack open a beer or pop a Xanax or a Benadryl. Hell, some people do all three. Gavin, however, is choosing blood-curdling shrieking. It seems counter productive to restfulness, but who am I to judge?

Actually, this is really unusual for him. I mean, he's definitely started with the toddler antics (I've been warned that the so-called "terrible twos" often start at one). But today is different. I blame it on Stacy. Or, more accurately, the fact that today was Stacy's first day back at work. Even though she went in a couple of days last week, today it apparently dawned on him that things are not as they were all summer. Tuesdays and Thursdays are Mama D care and Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays are daycare again. I go back to work tomorrow, which means his first full day of daycare in quite a long time. Judging how today went with me, tomorrow is going to be rough for the Bear.

Everything started out fine. After several months of all-Stacy-all-the-time clinging, when Stacy left for work this morning Gavin couldn't have cared less. In fact, he was kind of pissed that she interrupted his playing to say goodbye to him. And it was just hanging out, playing with toys, pulling everything out of the kitchen cabinets, etc. until his first nap. Then the trouble began.

Gavin's room has blackout curtains that we use for his daytime naps. Granted, "blackout" is a misnomer because they don't make it like night time or anything, but it is significantly less light than mere curtains or blinds. So after I've gotten him in his sleep sack and he's nestled his little (actually, big) head against my shoulder and has plugged his thumb in his mouth, I go to close the curtains and the damn thing falls down, rod and all. But the Bear is already in put-to-bed mode and putting him down prematurely would throw him for a loop. So I think, "No problem. I'll just quietly fix the curtain after I've put him in his crib and then tip-toe out."

A fine plan. In theory. In reality I managed to put the curtain back up, but as soon as I was done Gavin sat up, saw me -- or, more accurately, saw someone standing in between his curtains -- and started to scream. It is not a sound I am able to easily describe, but it is the same kind of screaming he does when he hurts himself. And I mean really hurts himself, not just a stumble (although, all things considered, he has never really hurt himself in the grand scheme of things). It's a combination of high-pitched crying and lower pitched scream-yelling that comes in one long burst followed by rapid fire short bursts and it's terrifying.

I scoop him out of his crib and try to soothe him and it works after quite awhile. Though he still has the cry-hiccups going on -- you know, those little aftershocks of a hard sobbing. I try to put him back in his crib and he immediately starts to cry and koala-bears me. Koala-bearing is what we call it when Gavin holds on to you for dear life using his legs and arms, as if you were a tree trunk he was scaling. Previously he had only ever done this to Stacy. Ok, I think. No problem. I'll just soothe him a bit more. Then I try to put him down again. Same thing. After some additional soothing I decide that I'm just going to have to pry him off of me and put him down and let him cry, as much as I hate to do it. And cry he does. Hoo-boy. Screaming commences and I try to ignore it as best as I can. It finally dissipates but he doesn't sleep for very long. Nap #1 is officially a crap nap.

Fast forward to several hours later -- after Laura and Jamie have visited. After we've played in the yard. After he has several times stuck his hand down my shirt, rooting around for a never-developed Boobie Café franchise location, after he has spent the last hour refusing to let me put him down -- to nap #2. Repeat above, save for the whole "Mama D as ghost of Christmas past" part. He still does not want me to put him down. Total koala bear, all the way. And I'm betting he'd really love to nurse right now, too. But I don't have that to offer him. Again, these are things -- the clinging, the rooting -- formerly reserved for Stacy only. But now that she's back at work all bets are off and Gavin is feeling a little adrift, I think. Poor dude. Needless to say, Nap #2 is also a crap nap.

Stacy put him to bed tonight and she said it was the same way (I was at the grocery store, so I missed it). And as I said, he was still crying from his crib when I began writing this (he has since fallen silent and, presumably, asleep). I worry that day care tomorrow is going to be especially tough on him. I know it will be for me. Despite all of the screaming and the exhausting nature of today, I will miss him terribly while I'm at work tomorrow.