Tuesday, Dec. 7: Chatty Cathy (or Garrulous Gavin, anyway)

Gavin's starting to talk up a storm. Okay, that's actually not accurate. But he's beginning to work some words into his speech. I wrote awhile back about how he used to say a few words (dog, diaper, glasses, and he'd make a "meow" sound when he saw the cat), but he's since stopped using them. But now, thanks to those little books I mentioned (complained about?) the last time I posted, he's building up his vocabulary powers again. I, unfortunately, have not had the pleasure of hearing him point to a picture in the book and say the word, but Stacy and Laura are both witnesses. For Stacy he said "clock" and for Laura he's said "cat" and "bed." I did, however, see him do baby sign language for the first time today while I was feeding him his a.m. meal ("breakfast, lunch, and dinner" aren't really accurate terms for his feeding times since they don't really coincide with when regular people eat). He wanted more puffs and when I asked him if he wanted more, I also signed it like I always do (Stacy and I had grand ambitions re: baby sign language before he was born, but I'm sad to report that I only ever use the signs for "more" and "drink." I think I might also know the sign for "all done" but I don't really use it). Then when he was finished with the puffs I gave him I asked him if he was all done and he started to whine a little because he didn't want to be all done, but I'd decided he'd had enough puffs and it was time to get out of the high chair and on with our lives, but he shook his head "no" and then he signed to me that he wanted more. It was very exciting for all of us. And even though I hadn't planned on giving him more puffs, I did anyway since how can you say no to something like that? You can't. Which is why I'm destined to one day be on Maury Povich crying because my 2 and a half year old is morbidly obese and the camera will cut to footage of 70 lb. my child eating French fries and chocolate cupcakes while wearing an ill-fitting bikini top (because in this scenario my kid is a girl and also because thank god this scenario is not my life by the grace of Duncan Hines go I). So am I blaming childhood obesity on baby sign language? You bet I am. The moment you can ask for what you want you're bound to ask for something that isn't good for you. If Gavin could speak in complete sentences he would no doubt be saying things like, "I want to fling myself into the empty bathtub" and "I want to headbutt our mentally unstable dog" and "I want to put this pebble in my mouth" and "I want to try walking down the stairs head first." And "I don't want to eat baked tofu today even though I loved it yesterday because I know it frustrates you and it is my job to push you to your breaking point or at least to the point where you're about to break but are still able to safely take care of me because p.s. it's all about me now here's a book I want you to read to me and here's a pair of sandals that no longer even come close to fitting me that I insist you put on over my sweatsocks and failure to do so will result in complete meltdown starting in 5, 4, 3, 2..."