It's nice having Stacy home this week, though I'm afraid I'm getting out of practice re: stay at home mom-dom. Come Monday I won't know what to feed him or when to put him down for a nap.
Gavin is almost totally unsick now, and I'm trailing behind him. I am predicting major wellness for him by tomorrow and for me in a few days. Maybe I'll stop coughing up pieces of my lungs in time for my birthday. Which is in three days. I'll be 32, a very momentous year in any woman's life. Or something. I really don't care about my birthday this year. Usually I do, but I guess since I have a baby now my focus is really all on him.
I'm also really excited about Lisa and Brenden coming here so, so soon. That totally eclipses my birthday. I can't believe that our sons are almost 9 and 10 months old and they have never met. And I have never met Brenden. And she has never met Gavin. We have a lot of catching up to do in the 12 days that they'll be in Michigan. Why does California have to be so far away? I really wish no one I love lived far away. Unfortunately that is not a wish I get to have come true any time soon.
Stacy and I watched the movie Precious last night. That was a hard movie to watch. Especially when she had her second baby. The scene where her mother throws the baby on the floor and then she's fighting with her mother and she's running away and falls down the stairs with the baby. Jesus H. Christ. It made me feel sick to my stomach. Both Stacy and I said we felt a strong desire to wake Gavin up so we could hold him and make sure he was okay. I remember when Rosemary said I would be more sensitive to bad things happening to babies once I had one myself (not that I was ever in any way heartless re: bad things happening to babies). This was definitely a stark instance of that phenomenon. Because I love my son so much and want to keep any kind of pain I can from him it's difficult to fathom how someone could feel the precise opposite for their own child. Or for any child. I mean, you don't have to love all the babies in the world or anything, but you certainly shouldn't want to maim them either. Gavin is, no doubt, adored. That there are babies in this world who aren't is enough to kill anyone with a working heart. Which is why, I guess, a working heart doesn't always feel like an asset.
Yesterday morning Stacy brought Gavin into our bed to nurse him and he fell asleep while nursing and she said that when he woke up, and he wasn't asleep long, he saw Stacy and gave her this huge smile like, "Hey, you're here!" And then he turned toward me and gave me the same awesome look. Only I was sacked out since I'd taken NyQuil the night before and I smiled at him but when he started poking me in the face with his fingers that was more than I could take. So I turned my head and he just pulled my hair instead. I don't remember much else but that's how I fell back asleep, with Gavin pulling my hair. I love how happy he is when he wakes up. And I love that he has another Mama when I can't be properly roused into consciousness.
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