Week 11 Day 2: Head count

I shouldn't have listed myself as Person 1 on the Census form. Had I listed Stacy the whole thing would have taken less time and been less a touchstone of sad reality. Okay, that sounds over-dramatic. Still. As Person 1 on the Census form I had to check a box next to the correct category for how Person 2, Stacy, was related to me. Some of the options were obviously not correct. She is not my mother or sister or itinerant roommate. Two of the options, however, were possibilities: 1. Wife, or 2. Unmarried Partner. We weren't sure which one to check. I mean, she's my wife as far as we're concerned, and I am hers. But not as far as the government is concerned. Stacy went hunting on the Internet and found an article in some gay publication about how this year the government is counting all of the same-sex couples who check Husband or Wife as married. It'll be separate from the official findings (but equal. Ha), but it's a big step as far as the government is concerned. The article said that in the 2000 Census same-sex couples who marked Husband or Wife were automatically recategorized as Unmarried Partners, which is a huge step up from 1990 when same-sex couples marking Husband or Wife had one of their sexes arbitrarily changed in order to make them a male and a female.

But categorizing myself to Stacy or Stacy to myself is something we've had to figure out for two censuses now. It was having to categorize Gavin's relationship to me that was the hard part. If Stacy was Person 1 on the form then the obvious box would be "biological child." But this is not true for me even though it feels true. So I had the choice of "step-child" or "adopted child." Now, "step-child" was easy to rule out because that is not what Gavin is. This left "adopted," which also didn't feel right. For one thing, as I said, he feels like my biological child. Hell, he even looks like me according to the people closest to me. But "adopted," which is what I ultimately checked, also isn't technically correct because he isn't. Not by me. I'm not legally allowed to adopt him in the State of Michigan (good people are working on this, but it's a very steep uphill battle). Basically he's my son in name only. I've got no legal ties to him. Sure, Stacy and I have a will and a parenting agreement drawn up with our lawyer, but there's not sure-fire thing that links me to Gavin legally should something happen to Stacy. So, thanks U.S. Census for diminishing my family.

In good news today, our friend Kris came over. She'd never met Gavin before and she and I have never hung out or anything before, either. She was my 10th grade English teacher, which my best friend Lisa thinks is really weird since I am also friends with my 11th grade English teacher, Claire, and my 8th grade English teacher, Cheryl, and my friend Rosemary was my professor in college. I don't can't explain it. I think it's just that really awesome people are drawn to teach English or something. In any case, as soon as Kris came in the door it was like she and Gavin went way back. He loved her. I was holding him and he instantly started waving his hand like he was saying hello, which he has never done, and he reached out for her with both of his arms, something he's also never really done before. She was very comfortable with him, to say the least. She has two daughters, both of whom are in elementary school now. She totally lights up when she talks about them. And she said something to the effect that every day they do something else that amazes her. It gives me hope, I guess. Not that I think I'll one day get tired of Gavin and move onto some new thing, but I am just so crazy about him, so completely amazed, that I sometimes wonder if it's possible to sustain such intensity. But I've met some really good, loving parents who have children older or much older than mine who make me believe that it is.